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epictetus
User is Offline
Joined: 06 May 2007
Posts: 13
Location: Washington D.C.
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| Posted: Fri 1111 May 07, 11 pm Post subject: Unconditional Self Acceptance |
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I have not done a lot of work with Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA) until recently. When I first learned about the concept it seemed like a very valuable thing to cultivate whether or not one had "issues".
I've found it interesting because usually my irrational beliefs while being old with a lot of momentum behind them are fairly transparent in how false they are. Not so with my IBs concerning self esteem and USA. I'm having a tough time.
Feel to add your own USA IBs and disputes to this thread. Maybe we can all learn somethings from other people's IBs and disputes.
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Let me start off
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You are only trying to make yourself feel better because you lost out
True on both counts. There is nothing wrong with that. Every animal on the planet moves away from displeasure and towards pleasure. It is healthy and good. It is how people survive.
While feeling bad may have brought me to this point, that doesn't make my disputes true or untrue. Only facts and logic do that
Like chimps, humans are social animals. Alpha males and all that sort of thing. We rate ourselves, we rate each other, and we compare ourselves to each other because it is in our nature to do so. You can't work against your nature.
First, I am not Jane Goodall or even a scientist. I might be wrong about people rating being hard wired into human nature.
Second, even if this is part of human nature that does not mean that I can not work it out of my life. Human nature doesn't have to have a direct expression and often does not. It isn't natural for people to brush their teeth, only go to the bathroom in designated places, or hold our temper when someone upsets us. Yet most people do these things everyday, these things are considered to be practical and they are not considered to be a strain. So, maybe USA is possible.
If I give myself USA there are many valuable things I might not do anymore because I will no longer feel bad if I don't do them.
True.
First, if I learn not to care....then will not care and I will not be bothered. Not caring is not caring. Problem solved.
Second, it is true there are valuable things I do out of a sense of shame.
It could be possible to give myself USA and find new and positive reasons for doing these things.
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Micah
Site Admin
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Joined: 10 Jan 2007
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Sat 1212 May 07, 5 am Post subject: |
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Epictetus,
Ellis himself has stated that USA and UOA are two of the most difficult concepts for people to understand and also two of the most difficult for people to practice.
They are difficult to understand because, as you have stated, our society (parents, school teachers, churches, media) have preached CONDITIONAL self and other acceptance to us our wholel lives. Therefore, these beliefs are deeply engrained.
Also, it is difficult to practice, because (again as you have stated) it does seem to be something that is "hard wired"into us. People are "rating beings" we rate EVERYTHING. That is a good road, that was a good movie, that was a good dinner..... that is a good person. We seem to be prone to rate people, just as we seem to rate everything else.
Having said that, there are real advantagtes to try to cultivate USA and UOA.
I have been very interested in Buddhist philosophy lately. One of the techniques that the Dali Lama uses in cultivating "loving kindness" (which is akin to REBTs UOA) is to close the eyes and to visualize a "wave of love" engulping all living creatures.
As a variation of that, I close my eyes and envision the inherent worth of all people. The image I bring up is a glowing diamond like orb in the chest of everyone. Each orb is a slightly different color. I also image the outter body as being like a old shell.
Now, I must admit, that I am not one of these touchy feeling new age type of people. But, this visualization has been a good way for me to engrain the (inelligant) REBT philosophy that all people have inherent worth and value. It is amazing how many times, since starting this, that- when people cause me minor irritation- that my mind "automatically" imagines their valuable, diamond orb. I HATE what they are doing, but they have worth anyway.
The Dali Lama is one that, from all reports, truely lives what he preaches. From all accounts he truely does show other people Unconditional Acceptance.
Therefore, he may have something to teach us old REBTers 
_________________
Micah
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