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anoopkumar
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Joined: 06 Aug 2007
Posts: 15
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| Posted: Mon 1717 Sep 07, 1 pm Post subject: chapter-6-verbal judo-learn to talk back.... |
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here is a role play i imagined in the lines of Dr.Burns teachings-
disarming the critique-
Imaginary Reader of REBT/cbt central(IRR) (playing the role of angry critique) : Mr.anoop, who do you think you are???
anoop(a): what do you mean by this question?
IRR: you are a shit-you think you are a goddam prof of rebt/cbt ?
a:in what way am i a shit-iam no professor-if my postings here have such overtures,pls pls bear with me-iam a novice-just into cbt/rebt for less than 1and a half years-moreover iam a patient trying to overcome my difficulties..
IRR: oh ho-a puny beginner and a mad man,pretending tobe king???this is sheer madness and whatelse?
a:yes yes..i am a beginner and iam trying my best-trying to read, leanr and practise rebt/cbt-moreover iam very much interested --yes iam not king now ..but who knows ..in the future..  -atleast ican keep this as a preference and not a must..
as to your reference as madman, imust admit iam one-IRR, you could have prefferred to call me a neurotic rarther than mad..
IRR:neurotic my foot-are you dreaming my boy-you are the worst mad man i have ever come across-
a: agreed iam mad-although its alittle unpleasant to be mad-i can bear it,tolerate it,live it...its not that horrible...terrible..
IRR: Ok,ok..f....r how dare you throw brick bats on Dr.Burns- this self esteem you talk abt is no big deal-Dr.BUrns is an eminent psychiartist and psychotherpaist with thousands and thousands of sessions with pateints-who the f.. you think you are?phew..puny sloth..
a: IRR, you are right my friend-all you are hearing is the manifestaions of my madness-and rememebr it was you who called me mad-you should have expected such wild behaviour from a mad man-
IRR: with such perverted ,mad man like you on board, no wonder no folks are participating and commenting in this forum
a: may be- why should i care--as our Dr.Ellis said-no one's going to come with the shears to cut our balls-if at all any ones going to really come-its a very remote possiblity-i can think of evading ,then...
IRR: hey there is no time,i got to go, bye..
a:Bye(In soliloquy- is he running away?)
anoop. |
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Nycki
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Joined: 06 May 2007
Posts: 39
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| Posted: Mon 0808 Oct 07, 12 pm Post subject: |
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| Who won and how/why? |
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anoopkumar
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Joined: 06 Aug 2007
Posts: 15
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| Posted: Mon 0808 Oct 07, 4 pm Post subject: |
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Dear Nycki,
got confused with our schedule thinking that it was a chapter a week and went a little ahead - just sorted it out and i believe this is the actual schedule we are following..
WEEK 10 MON 8 OCT 2007
Chapter 6 - pg 131 - pg 148
WEEK 11 MON 15 OCT 2007
Part II-B. Practical Applications p. 149 - 227
Chapter 7 - pg 149 - pg 165 (develop the desire)
WEEEK 12 MON 22 OCT 2007
Chapter 7 - pg 165 subheading - pg 176 (why sandy should act obnoxiously)
WEEK 13 MON 29 OCT 2007
Chapter 7 - pg 176 - pg 198
well a little outside of our book discussions- doing fine here with outthe antidepressants for the past 2and half months-though for three nights i had to take mild dozes of bezodiazepines -cant really call them relapses-doing a lot of disputing- what i find most difficult is the zeroing in on the right irrational beliefs-sometimes i go on disputing a particular belief for a few days to realize that it is not the right belief that i should be tackoing- so still its a lot of trial and error for me-on the bibliotherpy front besides this book we are discussing reading Korzybski's 'Science and sanity"-a great work- giving me sound punches all the while-perhaps we can include this book for future discussions-being a villager in india its hard to get books and internet is the only option-and its where i read korzybski-is it the "3 minute therapy" we are going to read next- i have to get it started- to get the book---
now to your question - " who won and how/why, frankly i dont know how to answer- all i know is that iam a looser trying to redeem myself,,
anoop |
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Nycki
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Joined: 06 May 2007
Posts: 39
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| Posted: Tue 0909 Oct 07, 1 am Post subject: |
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Dear Anoopkumar
Thank you for clarifying where we are up too. I plan to read chapter 6 today and do my post on that, and then get into reading the first part of chapter 7. As u can see...chapters 5 and 7 are both 'woppers' and I couldnt help but find it amusing to see how Dr Burns said that this is the shortened version of those chapters in comparison to wot they were like when first written! Eeek! I would imagine that they would be overwhelming to anyone if they felt they had to do all of that in one week...which is why I cut them up to wot I think is a logical size and subject. Lets hope it works!
You asked about 'The Three Minute Therapy'. This book is written by one of the REBT-CBT-Forum yahoo group members - Michael, R. Edlstein, Ph.D. It shall be well worth attaining this book as he has agreed to work along with us as we go thru this book so that we may maximize our learning! This is very special indeed!
I see that you have been off anti-D's for 2.5 months. How has it been going for you? You did say that you have had to on occasion take some mild benz and I wonder wot triggered that need?
I see in your post that you say that u sometimes find urself not disputing the right distored cognition and I feel this is a common mistake that EVERY person makes regularly, and so I wonder if we could perhaps do some work as a group, in the Yahoo group in this regard. We could even post some of them on here so that we get as much practice as we can. What do u think of that idea? Since we are here to learn that, it makes sense perhaps to practice it as a group!
Can you tell me the 'cognitive distortion' that you have in your last sentence in your above post?
I see you as an awesome student, after all...if it wasnt for you this discussion wouldnt be possible! I am glad you are here!
I hope that all is going well with you currently and I look forward to your response.
Take care
Nycki |
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Nycki
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Joined: 06 May 2007
Posts: 39
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| Posted: Tue 0909 Oct 07, 9 am Post subject: |
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It doesn’t matter if a critic is right or wrong in wot they say about you…they cant make u feel any particular way. Only U can upset yourself due to your evaluation of the meaning of what they are saying to you. No matter wot a critic say to you, you have no reason to be upset!
To fear a critic is to fear being disapproved of, feeding our need for love and approval in order to feel worthwhile and happy.
· People pleasing takes all of ur energy and often results in disappointment.
· People pleasing puts people off of us as they see us as people without our own personality.
Ways to overcome upsetting yourself when faced with a critic:-
Verbal Techniques
· Step 1:- Ask questions of the critic to get them to clarify what they mean, giving you examples. Then reflect back to them wot it is that u think u heard them saying. Attempt to see the world thru their eyes by cultivating empathy for their opinion. Avoid judgement or defensive responses.
· Step 2:- Disarm the Critic – You agree with the behavioural accusations but not with the labelling. Or you agree that its understandable for them to be upset coz their opinion is based on their schema/way of viewing the world. Someone with that worldview is going to feel upset with u. Agreeing with the person causes them to run out of steam, which is a successful way of disarming them. Defending yourself against a critic will only aggravate the situation and you will give your power away to the critic as you feed their ammunition against u. Show your are listening and respectful, this also disarms.
· Step 3:- Feedback and Negotiation – Say u might be wrong. Deal in fact and not labels or personality attacks.
Anti-Heckler Techniques
· Thank them for their comments
· Acknowledge the points brought up are important
· Emphasize the need for more research on the subject, and even suggest that the person does some research on it.
· Invite more discussion on their points after you have done your presentation.
Summary:- Don’t jump to conclusions that you in the wrong. Don’t over generalize, label or magnify what has been said.
Remember:- U are worthwhile and have no need to be perfect!!!
Investigate the criticism to lesson its impact upon you. |
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anoopkumar
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Joined: 06 Aug 2007
Posts: 15
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| Posted: Tue 0909 Oct 07, 1 pm Post subject: |
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"iam a looser trying to redeem myself" this is the sentence i made-
lets split the sentence into two-
1.iam a looser
2.iam trying to redeem myself
take the first sentence- iam a looser
1.all or nothing thinking
yes-its all or nothing thinking
2.overgeneralisation
not applicable
3.mental filter
not applicable
4.disqualifying the positive
yes by rejecting the positive experinces iam disqualifying the postive
5.jumping to conclusions
yes a negative interpretation
6.magnification/minimization
inappropriate shrinking-yes its minimization
7.emotional reasoning
yes its emotional reasoning-
8.should statements
not applicable
9.labelling and mislabelling
yes- a clear case of negative labelling
10.personalisation
not applicaable
the second part is all positive and i hope without any distortions
so i revise the sentence to any one of the following-
1. iam a person trying to redeem myself.
2.iam a fallible human trying to redeem myself
or isit
 3.i dont need any f....g redumption
well, do we need to redeem ourselves at all?
getting confused********
anoop |
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