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Nycki
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Joined: 06 May 2007
Posts: 39
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| Posted: Thu 3030 Aug 07, 4 pm Post subject: 4. Chapter 4 - Start By Building Self-Esteem |
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Burns states that 80% of Depressed persons see themselves as worthless – feeling that they lack those character traits they value highest. They see themselves as ‘Defeated, Defective, Deserted, and Deprived’.
Poor self-image is a ‘magnifying glass’ changing a mistake into an overwhelming personal defeat.
Burns believes that Negative emotional reactions to events cause damage ONLY coz of low self-esteem.
The feelings of Depression are so convincing that even therapists can be made to buy into the lies the patient tells about their self-worth. Depressed persons hold distorted views of themselves and others because they value the opinions others hold of them, their accomplishments and looks as the basis of their self-esteem. Burns says Self-esteem comes from the self and not outside sources. Because of the ‘formal thinking disturbances’ found in studies achieved by Beck and Braff in the 80’s…depressed ppl have no idea that they hold such unrealistic beliefs and that their thinking process is full of ‘the 10 cognitive distortions’ we spoke about in chap 3. Its not wonder they feel ‘worthless and helpless’.
Fast enduring personal growth comes from ‘regular written practice of CBT exercises’. Burns suggest between 10 – 15 mins a day for 2 weeks – 2 months. He suggests that you should see an improvement after the 2 weeks. He offers the 0 – 100 scale to evaluate your changing levels of ‘distress and upset. Comparing the level of emotional intensity at the time of the events occurring, and after having done the written exercises, will show the techniques value and encourage continuation of use/effort.
Talking to the ‘inner critic’ is done by:-
1. Training yourself to recognize and write down self-critical thoughts as they go thru your mind. Don’t add your ‘emotion’ at this time.
2. Learn why the thoughts are distorted (using the list of 10 cognitive distortions).
3. Practice talking back to them. (use rational and believable responses).
Eg:-
My Negative Automatic Thoughts (NATs)
“I would like to join in the book study but I may not have enough time, and that will mean I wont keep up, or I wont sound intelligent by being able to make comments all the time. They will think I am dumb and I will just get in the way. I have always been useless at ‘study’. I could never add anything valuable and help these people to learn anything….they are the ones that know everything already….I’m just learning”.
Why they are distorted
1. All or nothing thinking – ‘not being able to make comments ALL of the time’.
2. Overgeneralization/Jumping to conclusions – ‘I wont have the time to keep up’ – ‘everyone knows everything already’ – ‘I wont sound intelligent if I don’t make comments all of the time so everyone will think I am dumb and annoying’ – ‘I couldn’t add any value to the group’ – ‘others cant be taught by me’.
3. Mind reading – Everyone will hold a negative opinion of me if I don’t sound intelligent and regularly participate in the group.
4. Labelling – I’m ‘dumb’/’useless’ at study/just a ‘learner’.
******They are more….but this is a start as an example! *******
Practice talking back to yourself
1. Who said I have to ‘always’ post a comment about every chapter? I am not aware of any group rule or etiquette concerning that belief.
2. I’m ‘assuming’ that every other person in the bookstudy group knows more than I do, and that I wouldn’t be able to make a valuable contribution that others would appreciate. Until it happens, I really don’t know who is going to be in the group, what their level of experience is, or how valuable they will find my contributions. Would it be so unbearable for me if ‘everyone’ did know more than me? Would it mean I am any less valuable as a group member? The word ‘study’ can be a scary word, but all is means is that I am learning something, and that’s what I joined this group to do. I want to learn about REBT-CBT, so reading along with this group is harmless coz I don’t find that intimidating like I would find ‘real study’ in a University. If I learned to read and write as a kid…I can keep up with this book and learn these skills too!!!!
3. Until I am being told I am annoying, or my comments are invaluable…I don’t KNOW that others will find my membership in the group, that way. I cant know what is going on in other peoples minds so to think I can is not logical/rational.
4. The word ‘dumb’ describes someone who can’t hear or talk….that’s not me!! The word ‘useless’ means without any use at all….and I know that I can be useful for a lot of things even if its just be considerate and hearing other people, and also in giving them positive feedback. Everyone loves to be acknowledged, so even if I didn’t feel I could teach within this group….there is nothing useless about encouraging others as I learn myself! What’s wrong with being a ‘learner’?…isn’t that how all of the intelligent ppl got that way…by having to learn stuff they didn’t know?!! Since learning is on the path to intelligence…I certainly want to be a part of that!!!
In hindsight I can see that my not joining the group is coz I fear looking like a failure…and yet if I don’t join the group and give myself the opportunity to learn and become intelligent in this topic…I would be failing to accomplish what I set out to achieve….knowledge of REBT-CBT and how to apply it in my own life to give me relief. This exercise has proved that my fears are distorting my view of the best thing for me to choose to do! No wonder I feel worthless like I am not achieving anything. These thoughts have been holding me back from seeing the real picture!
Beck has a simular worksheet but his includes :-
Situation / Emotion / Neg Thoughts / Cognitive Distortions / Rational response to distortions / outcome.
Burns believes that writing down NATs is very important for clarity to especially give the depressed person objectivity. Writing them down “takes the sting out of the problem”.
When it comes to labelling…define the meaning behind the label and dispute that.
The way to gain self-esteem is not in having things, or doing things or being things…but in silencing your critical voice because it is wrong and destructive.
I found this chapter interesting and confirming of the REBT process. We know that our emotions is affected by our thoughts and that disputing them can show us where we are going wrong in our analysis/interpretation of the events we face in our lives. It’s such strength to know that we have the power to make changes to our mood/emotions…but simply changing our thinking…something we can have control over!!
I’m keen to get to the next chapter!!
Nycki |
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anoopkumar
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Joined: 06 Aug 2007
Posts: 15
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| Posted: Fri 0707 Sep 07, 6 pm Post subject: |
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find this chap quite difficult in many respects-the heading of the chap 'start by building self esteem' itself is in conflict with the ideas of Ellis and rebt, which tells us to bandon our drive for self esteem-
see page55 where Dr,Burn says.....'he seemed to have no sense of self esteem that was not contingent upon approval and or success'
confusing..some one pls clarify the sentence to me-what does he imply?is it that we should cultivate a sense of self esteem that is not contingent upon approval and or success- is this possible?
that passage on freud from 'mourning ans meloncholia' is pretty interesting in itself-the greatmans insights are terrific- quite unmatched in the annals of psychology- this is my view-and isee the beginning of cognitive therapy in freud-dont understand why cognitive therapists crucify him-wont diggin into earlier trumas,living in them and seeing them in anew light make changes in the belief systems?
after that Dr.Burns raises the philosophical question-is human nature inherently defective? and asks the interesting question-are depressed individuals actually facing the ultimate truth about themselves?
Like freud ,Dr.Burns seems to be silently saying that human nature is inherently defective and seems to be believing that the depressed individuals are actually facing the ultimate truth about themselves-
and look at the next question-what in the final nalysis is the source of genuine self esteem?
in the next page he says you cannot base a valid sense of self esteem on yourlooks, talent,fame, fortunreor accomplishments- does he give a concrete solution?
iam confused.help me
anoopkumar |
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Will
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Joined: 06 May 2007
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| Posted: Sat 0808 Sep 07, 6 am Post subject: |
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One of the major differences between REBT and some of the other cognitive behavior therapies is that REBT focuses primarily on detecting and altering irrational elements of our philosophy, whereas cognitive therapy (at least as described in the early chapters of Burns’ book) focuses primarily on correcting factual errors in our thinking.
Burns argues that it is wrong to rate ourselves as worthless because the rating focuses too much on our bad points and too little on our good points. He argues that our assessment of our negative traits is distorted. This is a factual argument.
Ellis, on the other hand, goes to great lengths to explain why rating ourselves as either good or bad (worthy or worthless) makes no sense. According to Ellis, there is no way to measure our self worth. Any attempts to measure our worth based on such things as approval or success are fundamentally flawed. This is a philosophical argument.
Ellis argues that because it makes no sense to rate ourselves, we ‘should’ reject the concept of self-esteem, and replace it with the concept of self-acceptance—i.e., the idea that we all have both good and bad traits, but those traits do not alter our worth.
Ellis and Burns seem to agree on some points, e.g., when Burns writes “he seemed to have no sense of self esteem that was not contingent upon approval and or success,” he appears to be agreeing with Ellis that approval and success are poor measuring sticks for assessing our worth. Also Burns, by quoting Freud, seems to agree with Ellis that human beings are flawed.
Where Burns and Ellis part company is in Burns’ suggestion that—instead of focusing on success or approval—we can raise our self-esteem by correcting the distorted, negative self-assessments we make. Ellis, on the other hand, urges us to forget about self-esteem altogether.
If you skip ahead (to Chapter 13) Burns returns to the subject and provides four methods for overcoming low self-esteem. One of those methods is to do as Ellis suggests and recognize that the words worthy and worthless “are empty concepts when applied to a human being.” In his later books, “The Feeling Good Handbook,” and “Ten Days to Self-Esteem” Burns continues to talk about ‘self-esteem’ but what he describes and advocates is more closely aligned with Ellis’ concept of self-acceptance.
Regards,
Will |
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Shabri
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Joined: 13 Aug 2007
Posts: 1
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| Posted: Sat 0808 Sep 07, 2 pm Post subject: Excellant discussions |
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I am not reading the book, but I am follwoing the chapter summaries and disuccsions.
Very interesting question. If self-esteem is important to be happy then how do you get it. If it is not to be obtained externally i.e others approval, fame, sucesses etc, then how do you get it internally.
I tend to go with Ellis that every human being is worthly of feeling good about self. We are bundle of good bad traits, achievements and disappointments. If I see myself as " superior" to some but far inferior to "others" in a particular way. How should i feel? So the concept of USA and UOA makes lot of sense. So does the concept of men are equal.
Just my thoughts
Regards
Sri |
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Nycki
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Joined: 06 May 2007
Posts: 39
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| Posted: Tue 2525 Sep 07, 1 am Post subject: |
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Hrmm.... an interesting thought indeed. While its true that it would be massive effort to achieve 'self-esteem', I wonder if its possible to totally avoid it? How can any person not esteem themselves...for wotever reason? Is this something that we need to practice for years and probably never perfect? I shall need to give it more thought...coz I find it hard to imagine being 'totally' free of anything!
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