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| Posted: Wed 1616 May 07, 3 pm Post subject: Classic Rational Humorous Songs |
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Lyrics by Albert Ellis, Ph.D. (Copyright 1977-80)
I'M DEPRESSED, DEPRESSED! (Tune: The Band Played On by Charles B.
Ward)
When anything slightly goes wrong with my life,
I'm depressed, depressed!
Whenever I'm stricken with chickenshit strife,
I feel most distressed!
When life isn't fated to be consecrated
I can't tolerate it at all!
When anything slightly goes wrong with my life,
I just bawl, bawl, bawl!
I LIKE MUSTURBATION (Tune: Yankee Doodle Dandy)
Some folks like a happy state
And strive for elation,
Some folks like to masturbate
But I like MUSTurbation!
MUSTurbation keep it up!
MUSTurbation dandy!
Mind the got-to’s, yup, yup, yup!
And with the shoulds be handy! (x2)
Yes, I know I could create
Greater satisfaction
But I would rather MUSTurbate
And keep my mind in traction!
MUSTurbation, keep it up!
Let its message fit good!
Mind the got-to’s, yup, yup, yup!
As shouldhood leads to shithood!
WHAT IF, WHAT IF . . . ! (Tune: Blue Danube Waltz, by Johann Strauss)
I think of what if, what if, what if!
And scare myself stiff, yes stiff,
quite stiff!
When things are as certain as can be,
I ask for a perfect guarantee.
I’vegot to strike out with solid biffs
At all of my sick what if’s, what if’s,
But what if I fail to prevail —
Oh my God, what if I fail!
Love Me, Love Me, Only Me! (Tune: Yankee Doodle)
Love me, love me, only me or I will die without you!
Make your love a guarantee, so I can never doubt you!
Love me, love me totally; And I shall get by dear
But If must rely on me, I'll hate you till I die dear
Love me, love me all the time, thoroughly and wholly;
Life turns into slushy slime ‘less you love me solely!
Love me with great tenderness, and no ifs or buts, dear:
For if you love me somewhat less,
I’ll hate your goddamned guts, dear
Life must be Easy (Tune: Two Little Love Bees from The Spring Maid)
Life must be easy
Or I quickly cop out
When its rough or sleazy
I become a drop out
When things are hard
I swiftly give my all
To pills or dope or alcohol
Life must be easy
People must be caring
For if they don’t please me
I am most despairing
I cannot stand
The slightest bit of strife
So I demand the easy life |
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